Uncontrollable Grief
by somewhere-there
Summary: A Takuma and Kaname flashback side-story to Solitaire that takes place after Kaname was first put under Ichio's guardianship. Rated T for blood-drinking, depression and safety purposes in general. Complete
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Sorry again, as I continued typing this Takuma and Kaname flashback I realized that it was turning out into something too long and intense so that I felt that leaving it inside 'Solitaire' would be detrimental to the... how best to put it?.. smooth running of the plot? Besides - it is pretty much separate from the events in 'Solitaire' apart from the small episode that will only make sense after the 'Solitaire' plotline unfolds some more. So - I decided to turn it in a sort of stand alone side story instead, while the main story would continue along it's own path.

So - for those who didn't read 'Solitaire' - this is a longish Takuma-flashback as he stands by the bed of currently weak and ill Kaname and remembers the time when Kaname first came under his grandfather's guardianship - as inspired by the last (non-special) chapter of the manga (**which btw. doesn't belong to me but to wonderful Matsuri Hino**) and my own musings of how Ichijou-san managed to grow-up the way he was - given the environment he grew in, and other such speculative musings about vampires, their households and things that they take for granted in general.

I do feel that Takuma can be a little OOC here, but so far he proved to be the hardest for me to "get inside his head".

Thanks to YenGirl for beta-ing and for her wonderful reviews!

* * *

_Takuma straightened the blanket over the sleeping form, lingering – his hand still lying lightly on the cloth-covered shoulder, despite the impatient glances shot at him by Aidou, who stood __invitingly back in the kitchen door._

_It was painful to see Kaname so terribly weakened… but then – he'd never thought him invincible anyway… It was only his forever optimistic nature that made him think that everything should inevitably turn for the best – sooner or later… now that they left his grandfather's house to live at the Academy… now that Kaname could see his Yuuki whenever he wanted… now that they openly opposed the Council… now that Rido was dead… Oh shoot!.. But wouldn't it be only fair if the fates took a break and lay off from his friend for awhile?_

_So he lingered – the hand on the shoulder of the sleeping pureblood – the gesture from long ago time, that first had taught him – _to worry incessantly _– how fragile the powerful and terrifying purebloods really were… or maybe just this particular pureblood that he considered his friend…_

***

He still remembered the day when his grandfather brought Kaname to Ichijou mansion…

Nobody expected Ichio to return so early – certainly not Takuma. Being one of the few unofficial leaders of the Council, his grandfather spent at least half his time there, thus granting his grandson the freedom to do pretty much what he liked in his absence, something that Takuma had learned to thoroughly enjoy. Of course, the young vampire's kind and pretty much obedient nature made him less of a pest than what such unbridled freedom could have inspired.

That also kept him away from the cold calculating and at times vicious side of his grandfather. Not completely – cause his perceptiveness told him there should be a reason to why the entire household of lower class vampires treaded with such utmost care around the 'old master', when he was at home, and breathed a collective sigh of relief as soon as he drove away. On the other hand - the servants themselves always assured him that he needn't worry too much that whatever he did could ever be of serious consequence – he'd have to do something absolutely outrageous for Asato-sama to disown the last living representative of his own noblest of noble, 'almost but not quite' pure blood in favor of some more distant relative.

The blood that – as Takuma was all too aware despite his fairly young age (again thanks to household rumors) – was distilled and improved quite purposefully, in a kind of vampire power game – through continuous laying of any suitable female progeny under any and every pureblood available (sometimes one and the same pureblood over a few generations in a row). Actually, if Takuma had a sister or an aunt, or a female cousin – his claim on the heirloom would have been much shakier (or so the servants said). It was no secret that oftentimes when his grandfather got drunk on fresh blood or old wine he tended to rant about the browny points Nikamura Shiki – the head of a rival clan and another unofficial spearhead of the Council - had won over him by supplying his own niece to a bored pureblood he was supposed to guard.

As it was – the eight year old 'young master' did not fear too much of his grandfather's wrath. It was troublesome and of course he tried to avoid it as much as possible, but it wore off eventually or – at worst – one had to endure until the old man left for another meeting – and then – everything returned to the happy state that it was before…

But as already said – Takuma did not expect his grandfather to return so early, thus it was that the news of his arrival reached him whilst playing snowballs with some younger staff of the mansion – fairly deep in the woods, and even with vampire speed he arrived to Ichio's study breathless and with his trousers wet from knees down with the melted snow – hardly a respectable appearance, especially as Asato was not alone when Takuma stepped inside.

"I trust you have already met Kuran Kaname-sama, Takuma?" His grandfather said slowly, his cold grey-green eyes surveying the disgraceful appearance of his heir. "The Council has entrusted me with the guardianship of Kaname-sama after his parents' untimely demise, which is a great honor for our house. I hope you two will become good friends."

The fact that Takuma didn't fear his grandfather didn't mean that he felt comfortable around the old vampire. For one – there was that manner of his of telling one thing when actually meaning something else altogether. Or at least – it was how Takuma always perceived it – why else would the words "untimely demise" which should have been spoken as a condolence carry not a hint of compassion, or why did "I hope" sound more like an order than anything else?

He gazed at the boy patiently standing beside his grandfather. Kuran… a pureblood… he had met him before indeed… when his grandfather and a few of other Council elders had an unofficial meeting at somebody's estate. But they both had been a couple of years younger back then, and all he remembered was a quiet and extremely polite child that only participated hesitantly in the games as if he didn't really know how to behave around other children (and other children knew all too painfully how to behave around a pureblood…). He also remembered that a few times Kaname would suddenly stop midway in the game, pressing a hand to his forehead as if he had a headache, and then the lower class vampire (a bodyguard?) would come and lead him away. Takuma even remembered asking his grandfather on their drive home if Kaname-sama was per chance ill. "Bullshit," his grandfather replied in a tone that allowed no contradiction, "the purebloods do not get ill," but it was another case of when Ichio-san sounded so sure on the surface, yet Takuma noticed a calculating glint in his eyes, as if he was silently storing this information for further use.

Kaname-sama had grown considerably since then and looked even more like his... late father now. But the differences didn't stop with only greater height or leaner frame - where the child of two years ago was shy but eager, the pre-adolescent boy looked troubled and dark, and the short glance he shot at Takuma after Ichio's words was filled with barely concealed mistrust.

"I have ordered for Kaname-sama's room to be prepared next to your own," his grandfather continued meanwhile, "It must be ready by now. Please, show Kaname-sama to his quarters, Takuma, so he can rest."

They climbed the stairs in an uneasy silence, and once they arrived to the room Kaname stopped in the open door, effectively blocking Takuma from entering – in a pose of clear dismissal.

"Thank you for showing the way, Ichijou-kun. I'm sure I can fare quite well by myself from here…" Even his voice sounded unlike the one that Takuma seemed to remember – grown-up and cold, and the younger vampire felt inexplicably hurt as he turned and left – as a servant would – only Takuma never addressed even the servants in this distant and superior way.

The worst thing was that for a moment there he really wanted to become Kaname's friend. Not because he was ordered so by his grandfather but because he just naturally preferred to stay friendly to everyone, and because he thought the young pureblood thrust into the totally unfamiliar surroundings might need a friend, and because he rather fancied things he could show and share with a boy of his own age – sure the household staff never refused to play with him, but his regular playmates were at best teenagers or younger adults and they had their own chores to do about the house first.

His hopes so cruelly thwarted, Takuma wandered listlessly down to the servants' part of the mansion, leaving the pureblood to 'fare by himself' as was his wish, down to the place where he was always embraced with warmth and acceptance… the kitchen. Only even the staff there seemed gloomier and less prone to idle talk than ever before – as if the presence of an orphaned level A had somehow cast the spell over the entire house, and he walked on without stopping through the winding corridor to the garage, where his grandfather's driver would surely give him the newest issues of his favorite manga.

The driver – an elderly level C – was himself a secret manga addict, and so the two of them had set up a sort of unspoken conspiracy, where Takuma would sneak him some of his pocket money (that he anyway didn't have anything to spend on while staying at the estate) and the driver would buy the magazines, read them while waiting for Ichio during the Council meetings and then deliver the issues to Takuma upon return. No wonder the two of them were the closest of friends by now… but still... discussing the manga with someone closer to his own age would have been so much more fun…

Surfacing from his thoughts Takuma stopped abruptly half-way down the corridor… What was this smell? He traced it to one of the doors, but found it locked. Humans? But why?.. Humans were strictly banned not only from inside his grandfather's mansion, but even from surrounding premises. All the staff were vampires and in fact Takuma only ever met humans during the rare visits to a nearby town... Yet - there was no mistaking the smell! Slightly nonplussed and very curious he scurried even quicker to the garage, hoping that the driver could also enlighten him about the unlikely guests.

"Akira-san," he asked practically from the door-step, hardly paying attention to the pile of magazines awaiting him upon the chair. "Why are there humans in one of the rooms? Does grandfather know of them?"

"Oh yeah, he knows," the driver slid out from under the car where he was checking something, and straightened wiping his hands on a dirty cloth. "Have you seen the mangas I brought for you, Takuma-sama?"

"Yes-yes, thank you… But what about the humans, why are they here?"

He saw the old vampire's face grow grimmer.

"They are sacrifices, Takuma-sama, for Kaname-sama to assuage his grief."

The answer left Takuma speechless for a moment, bringing more questions then he really knew how or in which order to ask. He knew of the custom of 'sacrifices' of course, they were usually offered on some great occasions, and only to the most honored guests. The servants bragged that Asato-sama was offered them quite often as a 'gift of favor', which was only a polite euphemism for bribe, but if so – he accepted them in his quarters at the Council, never here.

Takuma himself had only once participated in the ritual, when he was six and his abilities had manifested themselves. His grandfather had invited half the Council for a grand dinner in honor of his heir's 'coming of age' and true - a human was brought for Takuma to partake off. He remembered being utterly embarrassed by the attention of so many adults, and he barely pricked the skin on the human's neck, drawing but a mouthful of blood – mostly because he was quite sated, what with the servants only too eager to provide sustenance for the 'young master' that they adored, and the human blood seemed to him rather bland in comparison. But his grandfather was very proud of his apparent restraint and even praised him for good conduct afterwards, which was a rare enough occurrence to stick in his memory.

He wondered briefly what happened to the human he fed upon… most likely her memory had to be erased afterwards… But his mind was too preoccupied with the present circumstances to dwell on the past too long. Well, a pureblood coming to reside at their mansion would be a guest of honor for sure, but…

"Akira-san, is it really so? Can one… eh… 'assuage the grief' by drinking blood?"

The driver leaned on the side of the car indicating for Takuma to take the only chair in the garage as befitted the master, and Takuma sat down eagerly, knowing that the old vampire didn't mind explaining things at length to his insatiably curious young lord.

"Blood is many things for a vampire, Takuma-sama. It can sustain us in place of ordinary food for weeks on end. It helps us heal from an injury, and the lovers can share their blood to let their mate know without a doubt how they feel, and… well… as a part of intercourse… though I think I shouldn't be telling such things to you at your age… And, yes, it could bring relief in grief or, well, stress… or rather, maybe, the other way round… a stress can provoke the thirst… Both Kaname-sama's parents had committed suicide," the driver concluded sadly, "that would be a lot of stress…"

Takuma felt chastised by these last words – the resentment he was starting to feel towards the haughty pureblood flying away from him, replaced by pity and a vague guilt. Maybe there was a reason to why Kaname behaved as he did…

It was difficult for Takuma to imagine how it could feel – to lose both parents in one day, even if his own circumstances were not much different - he was an orphan as well. Yet – his mother died at childbirth and his father when he was only a year old – he didn't remember them other than by the portraits in the gallery, and thinking of them brought on only a wistful wondering - what were they like? – untainted by any actual sorrow. His real family was not even his grandfather but the entire household staff that had indulged and treasured him from the earliest age. What if he lost them all? What if he had to move to a stranger's house? Yes, it would hurt…

So... Maybe there was a reason to why Kaname-sama wanted to keep a distance from everyone for now… but maybe, also, for that very reason - he really needed a friend…

Caught up in those thoughts he left the garage with his mangas, climbing slowly to his bedroom to read.

He would try to approach Kaname-sama again tomorrow. It was late already, and the pureblood had to be tired after the journey, and apparently still raw with emotion. Hopefully, the sacrifice would help him, hopefully the world would seem brighter for him after a good rest. And Takuma would be right there to offer him his friendship and support.

He paused by his grandfather's study. The door was partially open and he was surprised to hear Kaname's voice from within. The boy spoke quietly yet forcefully and Takuma's acute hearing had no difficulty picking out the words.

"You know very well that it is against both my parents' beliefs and my own… Let those humans go, I do not need any sacrifice…"

"I'm afraid you do not understand your position… or mine, Kaname-sama. The Council had appointed me as your guardian, and I'd hate them to think that I failed to provide sufficiently for your needs. It is for your own good and you _will _oblige," his grandfather's lower rumble carried ominous undertones, and Takuma could imagine the glint of cold satisfaction in his eyes at being granted the right to address _a pureblood_ in this way.

"Very well then, I will remember your _care_," Kaname's voice sounded calm, but a momentary flare of dark and powerful aura shocked Takuma into retreating hastily back to the staircase. It seemed like the conversation was drawing to the end anyway, and he didn't want either of the vampires to know that he had eavesdropped on them.

Later that morning as he lay in bed leafing halfheartedly through his manga, he heard two pairs of feet approach the room next door, and then the heavier steps – that would be his grandfathers' – leave to his quarters in the opposite wing of the house. So… he hoped that the sacrifice _did_ help, even though Kaname seemed so opposed to it… Takuma found himself finally able to pay more attention to the pages he read, as if all this time, subconsciously he had been worrying about the pureblood and waiting for him to return.

He read half the magazines and was growing pretty sleepy, when he was gripped by a feeling of vague despondency that was so alien to his own sunny disposition that it jerked him instantly awake… No, it wasn't he, who was feeling it… He recognized the aura at once – reaching dark and heavy despite the thick walls separating the rooms. There was anger in it, much as earlier in the morning, in his grandfather's study, but more over it was permeated with despair and guilt – to the extent that made Takuma cringe in his bed – God, he never expected that Kaname suffered _that much_… How come he didn't see it before?

But the answer was right there – obvious as the light of day behind the thick curtains of the vampire's bedroom – clearly Kaname only allowed himself to lose his iron-hard control now, when he supposed that everyone… that _Takuma_ right next door_…_ was sleeping soundly. Even now the aura contracted and extended in an uneven rhythm as if the pureblood was fighting desperately to control his own feelings, and Takuma was out of his bed before he had time to think it over – not knowing what he was going to say, or what he was going to do, only knowing that no one should suffer alone, that _he_ personally – couldn't just stand aside and watch…

He barely laid his hand on the handle of his own door though, when the aura receded for the final time – as if somehow – Kaname had heard his footsteps through the sound-proof wall, and brought himself in check.

He stood like this for a couple of minutes - hand still on the door knob, feeling rather foolish – obviously his company and whatever comfort he could offer were not welcome… but there was no sound, indeed - no sign of life from the other room, and all he could do – was go back to sleep and hope that next night would be better than this…


	2. Chapter 2

All he could do was hope that next night would be better than this… and for a moment it seemed that it could be, what with his grandfather choosing to eat in his study, which left only himself and Kaname at the breakfast table, the latter looking if possible even more pale and withdrawn, but making an effort to be exceedingly polite toward the servants, even if Takuma's own attempts to start an innocent conversation didn't meet with success.

After breakfast Kaname retreated back to his room, having refused Takuma's offer of a walk in the woods together, but still – that evening Takuma still felt hopeful that given time the pureblood would gradually relax into his new surroundings and feel more at ease in his own company – once the worst of his grief had time to work off…

And then the guests came… His grandfather was usually not the one to entertain much at his estate… oh shoot, to entertain much - _full-stop_, unless it was for business or political reasons, and seeing that both guests were members of the Council, Takuma could only surmise that their visit had to do with the newly appointed guardianship. Especially since both he and Kaname were called to participate in long and excruciatingly formal dinner, which only demonstrated to Takuma that the breakfast before was almost normal by comparison.

Kaname looked stiff, answered monosyllabically to the merciless probing of the older vampires and barely picked at his food, but kept his aura tightly under control, and Takuma found himself the only one ready to lose his composure shamefully - fairly squirming in his place because of the strange – half gloating, half almost lustful – glances directed at the young pureblood by Ichio and his guests.

The guests brought another sacrifice – 'their humble gift for grieving boy' – as his grandfather announced non-too-tactfully right before desserts, and for a moment Takuma thought he noticed the armor that Kaname surrounded himself with fail, as he heard a barely audible catch of breath, quickly turned into a resigned 'Thank you, you are _too_ kind'. Kaname didn't touch his dessert at all after that, and in Takuma's eyes – his going down with the older vampires after dinner looked like someone being led on to execution rather than towards a welcome relief the sacrifice was supposed to provide.

That set a pattern for the days to come – his grandfather showed no sign of leaving any time soon and each night the Council members would arrive in twos and threes – presumably to check on how the pureblood was settling into his new home – with sacrifices in tow. And each day – Takuma would lie without sleep waiting for tired shuffling steps to the room next door and the inevitable breathtaking moment in the late afternoon – which for vampires equaled the human early hours of dawn – when Kaname gave in momentarily to the turmoil within him, and then fought bitterly to bring it back in check.

Strangely enough – it seemed to Takuma that the sacrifices – instead of sating Kaname's grief only worked to amplify it, for it didn't seem to diminish as the days went on – but rather increased, the anger and despair of the first day gradually giving way to total despondency and self-loathing, that the kindly vampire couldn't see any reason for Kaname to feel towards himself.

After a pair of days Kaname stopped coming out even for breakfast, the trays sent up to his room returning almost untouched, and only appeared when summoned to greet the new guests… and to partake of new sacrifices…

The gloomy silence settled around the house, the servants fairly tiptoeing around, and Takuma found that even he couldn't enjoy his regular pastimes anymore – his mind constantly worried by how Kaname was faring and his body exhausted by the days of sleepless vigil. Each day he would decide anew to go knock on Kaname's door and ask if he could help him… somehow… in whatever way possible… He even progressed to actually going out of his room and standing quietly – his hand pressed tight to the next door – but still couldn't summon the courage to actually _knock_. Faced with the pulsing and troubled aura pouring out from within – ah! could he help him at all? Could anyone?

So he felt nonplussed and almost 'caught while spying' when a soft voice drifted to him from beyond that closed door on what was probably the seventh day after Kaname first appeared in their house.

"Ichijou-kun, you can enter already. Do you think I can't feel that you are standing there every day? Do come in."

Takuma didn't know what he expected to see when he entered – probably Kaname in bed, seeing as it was almost evening already… though of course – even before the words allowing him to enter the room - he knew without a doubt that the inhabitant inside was not asleep – judging by the aura that though contracted already was still only partially reigned in, and the oppressive cloud of it became only more tangible now that there were no walls or doors separating him from the pureblood.

What he wasn't prepared to see though was that the other boy didn't even change out of his dinner attire, sitting on the farther edge of the bed, his head in his hands, as if he hadn't moved from this position ever after coming back to his quaters. The drapes weren't drawn either and the room stood awash with late afternoon light that should have been quite bothersome for the acute vampire (especially pureblood) sight, except that this pureblood didn't seem to pay the least attention or even register it.

Mind overflowing with worry for the desolate figure Takuma momentarily forgot the anxiety he felt before he'd come through the door, rushing up to the window to close the curtains then back to the other boy's side with the words tumbling out of his mouth at the same speed.

"Kaname-sama, have you been sitting like this for all these hours?.. Ow shit… Come on, you'd be more comfortable if you lie down!" He climbed the bed behind the pureblood, gently tugging the jacket from his shoulders – to which Kaname wearily complied, straightening somewhat to let the sleeves be pulled from his arms. Takuma was sure that he'd be even more comfortable if he'd change into his pajama altogether – especially since Kaname's shirt sported a few distinct blood stains along the front, but he let it rest for now, fearing that the pureblood might refuse this much abuse of his privacy. "Here, - he instead announced brightly, - now, lie down, do! It's almost time to wake up and you have to rest properly…"

He knew he was blubbering and Kaname's next words as he indeed lay down gingerly with his back to Takuma, one hand covering his eyes and the other clenched at his chest as if to ease an ache there - hurt more _exactly because_ they were so close on the spot.

"I have allowed you to come, Ichijou-kun, not to _talk._"

Mortified by the cold tone, Takuma started getting off the bed, only to be stopped by soft, almost pleading – "I'm sorry… Please, stay… just, please, do not talk… I need to…" Kaname broke off, but Takuma knew what was left unsaid – 'to bring myself in order', 'to get hold of my feelings' – hardly the things the proud pureblood would speak out loud… and his own momentary hurt so paled in comparison to what the older boy was going through… Mutely he climbed back onto bed and sat by Kaname's side searching for a way to express that he _did_ understand and if possible do so without words. The answer he came with was putting his hand hesitantly onto Kaname's shoulder, and even with that the younger vampire almost feared another rebuke… but the pureblood lay still, his shoulder trembling lightly under Takuma's fingers as if there was a high-voltage current coursing within the slender form.

They stayed so until the trembles subsided and the pureblood seemed back in control of himself – and decidedly sleepy. Still he turned his head and looked at Takuma with those all too grown-up reddish-brown eyes filled now with tentative gratitude and soft regret.

"You should go catch some sleep as well, Ichijou-kun. You've stayed sleepless long enough on my behalf."

The next few days developed into a new routine. Takuma didn't wait for invitation or for Kaname to break down completely anymore – just for his grandfather's footsteps to fade into distance and then some quarter of an hour to let Kaname prepare to bed - which the pureblood unfailingly did: ever since that first afternoon Takuma would find him already changed into his pajama lying in that same pose – on the very edge of the bed, one hand pressed to his head and another clutching the collar, sometimes under the covers and sometimes over them - as if changing clothes was the extent of effort that the pureblood could bear on that day.

There was no doubt in Takuma's mind that it was indeed an effort and Kaname undertook it solely for his sake, or maybe – to spare himself the indignity of being undressed by another person – as an invalid or a child. Whatever the reason – all that mattered for Takuma was that the pureblood was more comfortable this way, so he'd sit down by his side, a hand resting on the frigidly stiff shoulder, stilling himself for the onslaught of Kaname's aura – that his touch seemed to be the trigger for now – and Takuma felt humbled by the fact that the proud pureblood not only allowed him this glimpse into the depth of his agony but seemed to actually _need_ his silent comfort to weather the storm.

Sometimes he'd stay awake until Kaname felt better and would be gently shooed back to his own bed, sometimes – to his utter chagrin – the exhaustion would catch up with him – and he would doze there and then, to wake up in the early evening – still sitting beside the sleeping pureblood – and steal out as quietly as possible hoping that his grandfather would not choose this moment to visit any of their rooms.

They did not converse. Though the earlier rebuke was never repeated, Takuma somehow sensed that Kaname needed his _presence_, not his words, even though the pureblood himself would sometime utter a few disjointed sentences – not really directed at Ichijou, and the latter wondered if when saying them Kaname was even aware that someone could hear them besides himself.

Nevertheless, the younger vampire couldn't help the questions that grew in his mind when he heard something like - "I'm turning into something I do not want to be… something I cannot allow myself to be…" spoken in a tortured and urgent whisper - the questions he longed to ask… Why was Kaname so against the sacrifices? Why did they seem to only aggravate his condition when everyone said that they were supposed to help? Why did he seem to loath himself more with each passing day, so much so that at times he'd start to claw at his chest, and Takuma would have to press his other hand over the other boy's to stop him from drawing blood, as his claws extended and his eyes burned crimson from under the half-lowered lids? Oh why – on another occasion – he said that he 'promised myself that I'd never do that again' and then clutched both his hands to his head and buried it deep into pillows as if he feared it'd burst?

But however he'd want to ask all that, he kept quiet, granting the pureblood the solace of his silent acceptance – if that was the thing that helped him survive for another night… Not that it _was_ much help… Every night, every sacrifice he accepted seemed to make another chink in Kaname's control, and Takuma watched with growing trepidation as the pureblood almost vibrated with effort of holding onto it even in the gloating presence of Asato and his guests.

Then came the day when there were no guests, no sacrifices, but Ichio had requested Kaname's presence in his study late in the morning, and when the pureblood returned Takuma felt his uneasy agitation right through the wall and hurried into his room not waiting even to give the pureblood time to undress.

Kaname wasn't preparing for bed though – instead, Takuma found him gazing out of the window into the grayish twilight of the oncoming day.

"Ichijou-kun," he spoke lightly, in sharp contrast with the tension permeating all his slight body, and Takuma thought that it was the first time that the pureblood addressed him directly since that silence-demanding rebuke and the following plea to stay, "I thought… I thought you wouldn't come today… I thought you would be resting before the grand event…"

"What grand event?" Takuma didn't know if he was allowed to talk, but his surprise made him speak out without thinking. Luckily the pureblood didn't seem to mind it for once - instead he turned sharply, a look of shocked incredulity in his eyes.

"Didn't he tell you? He made it perfectly clear for me that both I and _you_ are expected to attend…"

Ah, now he understood!

"It's OK," Takuma shrugged matter-of-factly, "my grandfather never tells me about his plans in advance. Even if they concern me…" He didn't mean to sound bitter, but… he guessed it was unavoidable…

"Well, then _I_ will tell you!" The heated defiance brought color to purebloods cheeks – making him into a compelling picture and reminding Takuma of the little boy Kaname once was, shy and quiet indeed but with the "fairness" streak a mile wide - as he recalled, and he felt sorry that they hadn't quite paid attention to each other during that one meeting nor made friends back then – before the tragedy struck…

The emotional outburst seemed to drain Kaname's energy though, or maybe, as Takuma guessed a bit later – he just found it difficult to speak about the subject, anyway - the pureblood turned back to the window, splaying his hand against the cool glass as if to support himself.

"There will be a funeral party for Haruka and Juuri Kuran at one of the Council estates tomorrow…" He gulped as if the very words pained his throat. "Such a travesty really… every word of it… A _funeral_!.. Almost three weeks after!.. For purebloods, for _vampires_, whose ash is long spent on the wind… and… a _party_?!.. oh…" A strange sound escaped his lips, something midway between a chuckle and a sob, and Takuma realized with sudden clarity that not once – through all this days filled with struggle and suffering had the pureblood shed a single tear of grief or pain. "Just another Council ploy to showcase the Kuran orphan and flaunt their control over the poor miserable me…"

It was the longest that Ichijou had heard Kaname speak at one time, and the pureblood must've realized it himself, since he stopped rather abruptly.

"Go and rest, Ichijou-kun… such functions are tiring affairs… and I too… have to prepare myself…"


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **I have been typing this pretty much all night, and I'm sure there must be zillions of typos and repeated words and what not in this chapter right now, but after YenGirl's wonderful reviews I just cannot wait to post it. So - if you absolutely _need_ to know what happens next - read it now, and if you hate typos and want to read it when it is all nice and polished wait for a day, because I promise to read it through later in the day and correct what I can.

**Edit: Well, I have done what I could, if you notice something else, please point it out, and I will try to correct it. **

**Edit 2: Many thanks for YenGirl who beta-read my story once again. And besides, I adore your reviews, dear!  
**

If anyone would wonder about the female appearing midway in the chapter, she's the remnant of 'Solitaire' plotline, and will appear later in that story.

Yay, it is my first completed multipart story, and - on the topic of reviews - you know, I like them actually, though I want to thank everyone who favourited and story-alerted as well.

* * *

Takuma only managed to doze in the late afternoon, the alarm gnawing at his guts as he lay listening for the slightest sound to come from the neighboring room – but there was none, not even the familiar outburst of Kaname's aura, just a dark sense of foreboding lingering in the tense silence.

His grandfather – as expected – had only informed him about the event when it was time to dress up for it and chose to do so through his secretary, which was only for the best, since Takuma wasn't sure he could pretend previous ignorance face to face with the head of the Ichijou clan.

The drive was thankfully short and Kaname throughout it kept a somber yet superficially relaxed pose, but Ichijou – practiced by now to read the almost imperceptible signs - was uneasily aware of how close to the surface the pureblood's aura swirled, closer than ever he'd allowed in public, to the point that the younger vampire wondered if his grandfather who seemed to watch the pureblood as avidly, could also see the silent struggle that Kaname fought behind the nonchalant face.

The function turned out as bad as it sounded if not worse - Takuma had only been to a couple of soirees before, and even then he had been struck by how entirely false everybody's smiles were - now he struggled valiantly not to cringe at each new bout of insincere condolences that Kaname had to accept with forced grace, and his hand fairly twitched with the need to touch the pureblood as if he could thus transmit a part of his strength towards his strained looking friend. Only he couldn't – not with his grandfather watching them like a hawk, while skillfully guiding his charges through the whirling and chattering throng.

After about half an hour, Takuma claimed he needed to go to the restroom, and though it was a truth it still seemed as a betrayal – leaving Kaname alone with only Asato as his... jailer rather than guardian... and when Takuma looked at his own face in the bathroom mirror, it looked almost as pale and drawn as the young pureblood's as if by merely standing beside him, he bore a part of the same strain.

Coming out of the restroom, Takuma stopped at the first story balustrade to find where his grandfather and Kaname had wandered to by now. Not that they were hard to locate – from above especially, it looked like the whole ballroom rotated around the axis formed by a tall blonde noble and the slender black-clad pre-adolescent by his side. And it certainly looked just as Kaname predicted - as if he was a piece of merchandise, a precious possession showcased for others to envy, the ultimate show of power that the Council had over the last representative of the clan that had once been kings for the whole vampire race.

"Poor Kana-chan," a female voice said not far behind Takuma's back, "you must find it especially distasteful to have to go through that".

He whirled around immediately to see a lonely female leaning gracefully on the balustrade, as her eyes followed Kaname in his slow walk through the crowd, a faint smile playing upon her full lips. She seemed pretty young – no more than twice Takuma's age, but all his senses cried out that she was a pureblood (his grandfather had mentioned gleefully that a few other pureblood families were expected to attend the party) and with their regenerative abilities – once grown up to full height, they could look exactly as young or mature as was their wish.

The words she said just before sounded as if she commiserated for Kaname's plight, but once again – as usually with his grandfather – Takuma seemed to perceive a double meaning behind the on the surface concern – a hidden malicious sarcasm and almost unconcealed gloating, as if the pureblood damsel was thoroughly enjoying herself. The younger vampire blushed angrily when her eyes turned suddenly in his direction, catching him with all the distaste clearly readable on his way too honest face. Nor could he suppress the shiver of sharp recoil when the pureblood suddenly appeared much closer and her hand cupped his head from behind with the strength he couldn't (and dared not) fight.

"And who do we have here?" The damsel chirped, something predatory clearly showing behind the amused smile. "You would be Ichio-kun's grandson, would you not? I can smell your bloodline… umm… so many purebloods in it… delectable… Such a cute child!.. And already fallen to Kana-chan's charm… Well, in this case…"

***

_The present day Takuma slipped momentarily out of his memories, rubbing his right temple where it seemed a mild headache was brewing, and wondered why that encounter never before had come back when he thought of that night – it seemed an important thing to remember, didn't it? But even now the pureblood woman's face escaped his memory – he only seemed vaguely aware that it looked familiar, as if he had met her on more occasions than one – only he couldn't be sure exactly where and when…_

_Ah, he wished that Shiki was there so that he could tell him about it… Somehow he didn't think that Aidou would understand or even have the patience to hear him out now…_

***

Whenever Takuma previously recalled the events of that night, his memory skipped altogether over the whole getting down from the restroom period, as if he just magically appeared by his grandfather's side once again, with Kaname gone now – maybe using the same pretense he'd used earlier to step aside from the limelight for a much needed reprieve, and Takuma couldn't even remember if he returned before or after the pureblood left.

What he did remember though, was his grandfather conversing quietly with a pair of other Council officials, one word – 'sacrifice' – catching Takuma's attention and making him stiffen in incredulous anger – couldn't they leave Kaname alone with those sacrifices – at least for tonight?

His anger burned so bright that for the first time in all his life he tried to confront the Ichijou patriarch as soon as the Council nobles disappeared into the crowd.

"Grandfather," he pleaded urgently, "the sacrifices do not help Kaname-sama! He only feels worse for them!"

He knew that he had lost, when Ichio's hand pressed heavily onto his shoulder and the old vampire bent low towards his ear, hissing with a venom that Takuma had never before been subjected to from his side, "Don't you _dare_ attract attention to yourself, Takuma! I feel I have made a mistake by bringing you here tonight - you are way too young for an occasion like this... That's why - you will leave back to home. _Immediately!_ As to the _question you asked_ – the sacrifice is a great honor for Kaname-sama, the one he _has_ to accept… and anyway – accepting it is better for him than to be considered fallen into _dangerously uncontrollable grief_…"

Thus, Takuma found himself driven home; alone, harshly dismissed (though he was thankful at least that no one could actually hear what the two Ichijous' exchange was all about), and feeling as if by speaking out unthinkingly he had only betrayed Kaname again.

Upon arrival he tried to shut himself in his own room, but felt too restless for it and settled to wait on the top step of the staircase, straining his ears for the sound of the returning car.

Was his grandfather right? Was his friend slowly sliding into _uncontrollable grief_? And if so – how could he help Kaname to switch out of this dangerous state? Still, Takuma was sure that the sacrifices were not the option, they only deepened the desperation instead of relieving it, pushing the pureblood further and further towards the point of no return…

Takuma must have dozed off a little despite the uncomfortable pose, because he almost missed the arrival, woken up only by the sound of footsteps – not two flights below from him. Glancing down through the railing he was shocked by the sight of listless, vacant eyed pureblood being veritably dragged by his grandfather up the steps. He would've expected to be engulfed by Kaname's desolate aura by now, but there was not a sign of it – just his grandfather's one, pulsing wickedly with anger mixed with gleeful disdain, and Takuma had barely time to sneak back into his room... or what he thought to be _his_ room, realizing too late that in stepping hastily backwards – his eyes trained on the staircase all the time - he had misjudged the distance and barged into Kaname's chamber instead...

Anyway, it was too late to change this now, and he stood back and tried to conceal his presence as best he could just in time to hear Asato address the pureblood outside the door, his voice harsh and commanding and lacking even a token submissiveness or respect, "Go in and clean yourself up now," followed by the sound of his retreating steps.

The door creaked softly as the other boy entered his room. He walked slowly to the bed and sat at the very edge without acknowledging Takuma's presence in any way to the point that Takuma was unsure if Kaname had seen or sensed him at all. He should've, shouldn't he? Standing as he was in the far corner by the window, the younger vampire was clearly visible from where the pureblood sat, and even if not - he knew from experience that Kaname was capable to sense him through doors and walls, and yet – the other boy was so very concentrated on something within himself that Takuma wasn't certain anything of the outside did register in his senses.

Well, at least he seemed calm and contemplative, albeit it was a strange kind of calm – much like a primed-up mine waits harmlessly for someone to step on it, much like a hydrogen filled balloon waits harmlessly for a lighted match – something in the very nature of that calm spoke of destruction and catastrophe, and Takuma hesitated to approach his friend, fearing to be the last straw to send him over the precipice whereon the pureblood seemed to be precariously balancing.

The moments ticked off with the young noble standing still as a statue half-shrouded in shadows, and Kaname sitting as immobile on the edge of his bed, his gaze fixed on his own hands lying limply palms up on his knees.

From where Takuma stood he could see that the hands, as well as the cuffs that the slender wrists protruded from, as well as the shirtfront of the fancy dress shirt (so blazingly white only the previous evening...) were covered with ugly brown spots of already dried blood. Some of it seemed even smeared around his lips and chin, but the pureblood was either unaware of it or didn't bother to try and wipe it away.

Slowly, slowly as if it was moving through water, Kaname raised his right hand, and Takuma held his breath in horror as he saw the index finger elongate into a sharp pointed claw and draw a crimson line along the vein in the pureblood's own left wrist. A sweet, tender and spicy, infinitely alluring aroma drifted towards the window where the noble stood, its draw so strong that if he wasn't so worried for his friend right now, even he might've fallen under the spell of a lustful thirst for this precious blood. As it was, Takuma watched with silent mortification as Kaname raised the wounded wrist over his head, letting the blood drip softly into his own mouth, then brought it down impatiently to bit down hard, his fangs burying deeply and cruelly into his own flesh.

A vampire cannot feed on his own blood – that much even Takuma knew, and he felt his body unfreeze from the shock that had held him stuck to the spot, and – not caring anymore on whether he'd make the situation worse or not - Ichijou rushed to his friend, gently freeing his arm from the bloodied fangs, getting a clean tissue from the nightstand to put over the ragged wound and clamping his own hand tightly over it to staunch the bleeding.

Kaname didn't seem to oppose him in any way. No, he sat just as listlessly as before, and though Takuma noticed that his eyes were completely red – not the deep mahogany red of their usual color, but the crimson that the vampire eyes only turned to when one was suffering from an extreme thirst or was prepared to unleash one's powers – the pureblood didn't show any other outward signs of either, he seemed… yes, again – he seemed _calm_,even though the young noble's hands could sense the urgent vibrations of his aura beating darkly and powerfully against its body confines. And his eyes – blood-red that they were - looked soft and a little lost into Takuma's face, the confusion and sadness in them reaching out into the young vampire's heart to bring on a surge of protectiveness like nothing he'd ever felt.

"It's bland…" came out of half-opened blood-smeared lips with such amazement as if it was a god knows what revelation that a vampire's blood had no taste for himself, "blander than the human one… blander than the blood tablets… Isn't it strange that something that drives some people towards such lustful craving… that can be a salvation for others… cannot even save myself… such a stupid useless thing…"

He wiped his mouth as if he couldn't stand whatever of his own blood was left on his lips, only succeeding in smearing it over the dried remains of his previous feeding, and Takuma almost stood up from his kneeling position before Kaname to bring a wet towel from the bathroom and clean his face, but stopped as the pureblood continued in the same even, matter-of-fact tone as if he was relating something completely and utterly insignificant - a boring piece of information, no more:

"They would gather around to watch me feed, and all the time I knew they were imagining themselves burying their fangs in my neck – to get at _my_ blood…"

"Kaname!" Takuma cried out as his mind – running in futile circles in search of a possible reason for the state that his friend was in – had finally stumbled onto a horrible possibility, "They didn't… did they?"

"Bite me?.." The pureblood shook his head lightly. "They wouldn't dare… There is a law against it, did you know? Against spilling a pureblood's blood…" He chuckled with what was meant to sound as dry amusement, but it came out more like a little gasp as the tremors of aura inside his body seemed to amp up another notch. "I wish they did though…" He added simply. "I wish they'd drunk my blood and be done with it… Would be so much better than have innocents suffer on my behalf…"

The relief that Takuma felt upon Kaname's initial words turned into so much more confusion. He knew he was missing something, some important thing that would explain everything... all those questions that had plagued him for so long.... and he couldn't help his friend unless he understood what was wrong.

"Kaname," he pleaded urgently, "I know you're speaking about sacrifices, but I must be stupid, because I do not see your problem with them. Surely their minds are wiped afterwards, and all they suffer is a little anemia and a set of curious cuts on their necks?.." His words ran out to a whisper as his eyes settled on the front of Kaname's shirt – there was quite a lot of blood splattered on it, could a person live after losing that much? – and his eyes when he raised them questioningly to Kaname's own held something akin to fear as he waited for the pureblood to reply.

"Just how many lessons have you passed when your grandfather was not at home, Ichijou-kun?" The question held a note of tender teasing, as if the very ignorance that Takuma had apparently shown just now was something that Kaname both cherished and couldn't afford himself. "I am a pureblood. Do you know what happens to humans who are bitten by one?"

"They… they turn to vampires!" Takuma remembered. But for the life of him he still couldn't understand what could be so bad about it that Kaname would seriously prefer to be bitten himself.

"Two thirds of them die, actually, so the statistic says… their bodies turning allergic to their own vampire blood… a quick death, though painful… the percentage seemed to be better before… our species are growing further apart as the time goes…"

The voice sounded cold, scientific almost... but Takuma's hands still holding onto Kaname's wrists felt how the vibrations – having slackened partially but a moment ago – were now slowly and surely gathering momentum, as if they were nearing a point of terrible resonance where nothing and nobody could control them anymore.

"The other third… those who live through the change… regardless of how kind… and good… and wonderful people they were... would gradually and inevitably turn into nothing more but bloodthirsty monsters… insane with thirst… not the vampires as you know them… but level E… nothing better than slaughtering animals… hunted by their own kind and our kind alike…

"Unless… unless they are given the blood of their original master… the one who created them…

"But they wouldn't let me!.. Those Council fools… they say they cannot allow me to spill my precious blood _recklessly_ while I'm still underage and in their charge… Indeed... how could they… how could they allow me to share _a drop_ of my blood with a mere ex-human… when it is something they crave so bitterly… and cannot have?"

Kaname paused for a moment, his breath coming in short, urgent gasps, but continued almost immediately, rushing the words as if he wanted, _needed_ to get it all out while he still had the minimum control over himself.

"They wouldn't even tell me which ones of them had died… and which haven't… It only takes a few minutes to know if the toxic reaction had set in… but they wouldn't let me wait for it… they would drag them off immediately as soon as I stop…

"They say – it's for my own good… so that I do not face the temptation of draining them completely… And the worst of it…" He was shuddering now, his eyes alternately closing, then opening again to scan the room feverishly, to slide unseeingly over Takuma's face… "The worst is – that they are _right_!.. I would've probably drained them… The more I grieve for them…the more I see their faces throughout the day… every time I close my eyes… the more I abhor what I'm forced to do… the less control I have over myself when they put them before me… bound and drugged… with their necks… oh so conveniently… already pricked open…

"Tonight… the first person they brought in… I almost ripped his throat out… I ripped his throat out _and_ I drained him… I know… I… my conscious mind tells me that it doesn't matter… his life was forfeit… anyway… as soon as I touched my fangs to it… but what does it tell me about myself?!... What am I becoming, Takuma?!... A bloodthirsty monster… no better than level Es that I'm creating!.. _worse_ than level E, since I cannot even claim complete insanity as my saving grace!..

"I stood there… I stood there after they dragged the corpse away… and all I could think… was that I wanted to kill them... everybody… all those smirking Elders… to sate both my hunger… and my rage… And I _could_ too… It was so hard to stop myself… to remind myself that they will only proclaim me mad… lock me up as they locked the Hiou princess… even though… if I have indeed become that bloodthirsty beast… it wouldn't matter anymore… if I've become that uncontrollable monster… then all I hold dear is already lost for me… and safer that way…"

His voice ran off in a hopeless whisper, but the shudders continued to convulse through his body, stronger and stronger, until they stopped suddenly… and then – it seemed to Takuma that the entire house shuddered instead - everything that was glass or breakable inside the room turning into a whirlwind of shards, everything that was movable – including himself – flung forcibly into the walls. And only Takuma's vampire speed allowed him to put his hands over eyes to avoid the flying debris (Well, he thought remotely, he _supposed _that the eyes would heal _eventually_ as would any other wound, but he'd rather not have to prove it personally…)

The commotion died as suddenly as it began, and almost immediately Takuma felt a press of trembling fingers upon his shoulder. He lowered his own hands to see Kaname bent over him, his face reflecting genuine concern.

"Takuma!.. Ichijou-kun!.. I'm sorry for this… Are you…"

…alright?.. Miraculously, he was, as the young noble knew as soon as he tried to raise himself from his half-sitting, half-lying position beside the wall. Granted, he sported a large assortment of bruises and minor cuts, but those would heal in no time.

"Sure, I'm fine..." He stopped abruptly, when he noticed that Kaname was backing away from him, eyes blazingly red and horrified, and both hands clutching at the collar of his shirt as if it was strangling him.

"Ichijou-kun… Get out of here… Now!.. Please…" The pureblood doubled over, holding onto the bedpost, and Takuma saw his nails leave scratches in the hard oak. "Please…"

Later it seemed to Takuma that everything happened in an instant. Though he'd never felt more than just the mildest pangs of the bloodlust himself, he somehow immediately understood the state that his own blood, drying in drops and rivulets over the already closing cuts, had plunged the pureblood into. And even before his mind had consciously acknowledged the decision, his legs were already carrying him to the other boy and his hands were ripping his own collar aside, exposing the collarbone.

"Drink!"

"No…" Kaname's nails dug deeper into the wood, but Takuma would have no refusing.

"Drink from me, Kaname!" He kneeled before the pureblood, bringing his neck tantalizingly close to his down-turned face. "You need not feel guilty about it – you won't turn me, I _am_ a vampire. And you won't drain me either, my blood is too thick, it will satisfy your thirst better than human one ever can. Drink from me, so that you need not drink from them!"

He raised his finger, ready to slice the skin himself if he had to, but found his hand being taken gently away, Kaname kneeling beside him in one fluid movement, and then the fangs pierced quickly and painfully through his flesh.

The pain subsided quickly, leaving just a slightly tender and raw feeling of something foreign present inside his neck, and the sensation of his own blood being sucked urgently was even strangely exciting. Takuma put his arms around Kaname as much to support the other as himself, and felt the soft shudders of the other's back against his hands – but they were different from before… They were, as he thought vaguely - the world swirling dizzyingly before his eyes - the sign of tension finally sipping out of his friend's body even as Takuma's blood was gulped in…

"You are a fool, Ichijou-kun. I could've drained you!"

The lids felt heavy over his eyes, and when he finally gathered enough resolution to lift them, he found himself lying over the covers on Kaname's bed, the familiar dark reddish-brown eyes looking at him with angry concern. Takuma didn't mind anger, in fact he felt quite happy, because it was definitely the most relaxed Kaname than he had seen since their childhood, who was currently glaring at him.

"You didn't." Takuma stated matter-of-factly.

"I didn't, but still it was a foolish thing to do."

"I trusted you."

Kaname looked at him seriously, a little troubled frown creasing his brow.

"Then you trusted me more than I trust myself."

"It was easy," Takuma chuckled despite his best intentions to sound serious as well. "You have more freaking control than anyone I've ever met… I _mean it_!.." he protested urgently when he saw another frown.

"I wish the humans that I murdered could testify as much…"

"Kaname," Ichijou knew that whatever the efforts – he shouldn't allow Kaname to slip back into the evil circle of bloodlust and guilt. "Don't think of them! Please! Think of the bright side – think of those you can spare now, or better still," the little imp inside Takuma made him smile broadly before continuing, "better still – think of the faces of my grandfather and all those Elders, when you tell them that you do not need the sacrifices anymore and prove it too!.. Eh?"

Kaname looked at him thoughtfully, and then an answering smile spread upon his face: "Yes… I'm terribly sorry, Sirs, but it seems that my _uncontrollable grief_ has dissipated miraculously overnight."

A little giggle escaped first one boy and then the other, and quite suddenly they were both laughing their heads off, squirming in bed and clutching their aching sides until both were completely breathless.

"Do you think I can do it?" Kaname asked seriously out of the blue, and Takuma knew he was thinking again about the evening and the sacrifices that he would be faced with and have to refuse.

"Of course, you can!" He, personally, didn't have any doubts, but - spoken like this - the answer seemed too quick, too easy, he knew that the pureblood wouldn't be able to accept it readily. "Look, if any time during the day – you feel like you are not sure, you only need to drink from me again."

"No," Kaname shook his head vigorously, "that's not an option! I drained you too much!"

"I will be alright. Really, I will be alright as soon as I go down to the kitchen. The household staff has always been there for me whenever I needed feeding. They won't even think twice about it, and as soon as I've fed I will be as good as new. Kaname," he implored, "you _do not have to bear it alone_. Promise me that you will ask for my help if you need me."

The pureblood was silent for a long time, gazing up on the canopy over the bed.

"I will try to remember that," he finally answered solemnly.

Both boys lay silently for some time after that and Takuma started drifting off to sleep, when he heard Kaname speak up again.

"You know, any normal pureblood… the kind that they are trying to make me into… would have erased all your memories of this night… because a pureblood must not allow anyone to see his weakness…"

"I will never betray you," Takuma meant the words, not because he was afraid of the prospect of brainwashing (somehow he never believed Kaname would _talk_ about it if he intended to go through with this plan), he just _meant_ them. He only wondered if the promise coming like this – slurry with sleepiness, Kaname would _believe him…_ But he was wrong…

"I know," Kaname turned away and after a longish pause and something that sounded suspiciously as a resigned sigh added in an almost inaudible whisper, "I guess I trust you too…"

***

_The present day Takuma let his fingers slip from the shoulder of his sleeping friend… Such solemn words they exchanged back then… _

_And then, of course, Kaname still tried to __shoulder all the responsibility alone and take the burden first and foremost upon himself. It was just against his nature to do otherwise, and with time Takuma had grown to accept it without questioning, and almost forgot that his friend was not almighty – until now that is… _

_Much worse was that __he himself was forced to betray Kaname – in actions if not in heart – or else leave Shiki to perish by Rido's unpredictable whim. It was a difficult choice, and even if its result was inevitable – Kaname back then could better care for himself, than Shiki helplessly trapped inside his own body – Ichijou couldn't but feel bitter about the necessity of this betrayal at all. _

_The fight with his grandfather – for both his present deeds and past was Takuma's way to atone for it. And even though he remembered the fight itself and especially its aftermath as if through a haze, one thing that kept him stolid as a beacon at the end of the deep dark void were Kaname's words: "The only Ichijou in my eyes are you, anyway". And the hope that their friendship wasn't forfeit for good._

"_Rest safely, Kaname," Takuma whispered so softly that neither the sleeping pureblood nor Aidou, waiting for him in the brightly lit kitchen, could hear his words. "I will watch over you, just like in old times. You'd probably laughed me off, if you heard it - but there is no shame – even for a pureblood- to be weak once in a while before your friends."_


End file.
